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Man Sentenced to Death Ask to Eat B00ty for Last Meal

“This ain’t a Kevin Gates music video. He gonna eat Burger King and die happy like all the other killers.” – Prison Warden

Marcus Mirander, a man sentenced to death ask if he could partake in female b00ty as his last meal, but was denied after an intense debate over whether they’d allow it since the woman he requested was his wife.

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Boy Tells Judge He Thought He was Buying “Gas” for his Car, Not Marijuana

“He said he had ‘gas’ for the low, and my car been on ‘E’ all week; So what I look like passing up a good deal.” – Tyrik

Said an Atlanta man facing charges for meeting up with an undercover cop to buy weed with an intent to distribute.

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Mike Tyson Starts GoFundMe to Pay Bail After He Punches Trump in the Mouth

“He’s a f*cking racist and every racist is just one punch in the mouth away from loving black people. Help me do it.” – Tyson

Said Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson says he wants to punch Trump in the mouth just off the strength of him being a racist “motherf*cker” (Mike’s words) and he’s started a GoFundMe to help pay his bail afterwards.

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“I just wanna punch him right in his fucking white face and not go to jail” – Mike

Mike said he would’ve challenged Donald to a celebrity deathmatch, but honestly doesn’t want to see him die.

Local Rapper Charged with Arson After His Mixtape Set House on Fire

“I knew he had bars, but a I didn’t know the n*gga was that hot” – Next Door Neighbor

Said the neighbor of local Atlanta rapper Dayshawn Williamson.

Rapper Yung Gully was charged with Arson after his new mixtape set the house on fire while he was performing for his family in the living room.

“Two minutes in and I guess our CD player just couldn’t handle his bars. It caught fire and we got the f**k outta there.” – Younger Sister

When asked how it felt to be a homeless rapper, because of his mixtape setting his home on fire Gully said “Its cool, because my mixtape hot”.

Forbes Release List of Luxury Cars Most Likely to Get You Head While Driving

“If you want her to slob on your knob like corn on the cob. Cop one of these luxury vehicles.” – Forbes

Forbes released its annual list of cars most likely to get you head while driving and its chock full of cars that the average man can’t afford.

1. Lamborghini Aventador:

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Nothing says slob on my knob like corn on the cob as a Lamborghini Aventador.

2. Ferrari:

SR Auto Ice Blade Ferrari 458 Italia
SR Auto Ice Blade Ferrari 458 Italia

Ferrari’s have been getting n*ggas head for a long time and I don’t think that’ll change anytime soon.

3. Audi R8:

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Drop top or hard top Audi killed the game with the release of the Audi R8 and if you want her to suck and swallow this is the car for you.

4. Rolls Royce Wraith:

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*Bonus: Chevy Camaro/Dodge Charger on 26’s (But only if you live in the hood)

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Two of the hood’s favorite cars to stunt in.

Rapist Lured White Women to Van with Free Starbucks Coffee Coupons

“It was like taking candy from a baby. A white baby.”

Said the rapist after being arrested.

Jonathan Cardigan, a serial rapist was arrested after over 10 rapes that he said was made easy by simply inviting women to his van by promising them free Starbucks coffee coupons.

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“Them lattes with French vanilla like an aphrodisiac to white b*tches” – Rapist

Jonathan says if he does it all over again he would choose Nutella so he could use it as a lubricant too.

Rapper Sues State Farm for Not Covering Damage After His Mixtape Causes Car Fire

“Knew I should’ve f*cked with them Geico n*ggas” – Austin

Said rapper after finding out his car would not be covered.

Atlanta rapper Cold Austin car caught fire after his mixtape caused it to catch fire and State Farm denied his insurance cover.

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“How you gonna fault me for having fire bars?” – Cold Austin

State Farm says they chose not to cover him, because after listening to the mixtape in question they didn’t believe it was hot enough to cause the fire.

Man Says Instagrams Explore Page Full of Booty Saved His Life

“IG’s explore page full of ass talked me out of suicide”

A Milwaukee man says Instagram’s Explore page full of butt saved his life.

Andrew Cornie says Instagram saved his life as one moment he was ready to end it all and the next he found himself with a hand full of p3nis and still alive.

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“One minute a knife was in my hand. The next my d**k was in my hand” – Suicidee

He says he owes Instagram his life and if they ever need anything to hit him up within the next few days, because he’s starting to feel depressed again.

Fans Start GoFundMe to Raise Money to Free the Real Gucci Mane

“We’re willing to give the Illuminati $200,000, plus sacrifice rappers Desiigner, and Young Thug.”

Gucci Mane fans start a GoFundMe to free the real Gucci Mane from who they think is the illuminati and are willing to sacrifice a few rappers in the process.

“He pretty much created these ATL rap n*ggas so if we sacrfice them maybe we can get back a whole Gucci Mane” – Fan

One way or another we will free the real Guwop and get back the big bellied blunt smoking thug rapper we all love.

Wikipedia Updates Definition of “Hoe” with Picture of Amber Rose

“We tried to fit Kim in the pic with her, but all that ass made the page load slow.”

Wikipedia updated the definition of “Hoe” with a picture of Amber Rose after it was revealed she has dated every current and ex friend’s boyfriend.

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“The internet is moving toward more visual elements than text. Who represents the word “hoe” better than a picture of Amber Rose? The Ceo of Slut Walk.”

Amber Rose hasn’t commented on the honor, but we’re sure its a celebratory time for your hoeness, highness.