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Kid Tells Mall Santa All He Wants for Christmas is For Him to Stop F*cking His Mom

“I don’t want her being one of your ho, ho, hoes”

One kid made headlines after telling a mall santa that all he wanted for Christmas is for him to stop having s3x with his mom. Come to find out this mall santa was going down the chimney’s of a couple of the kids moms.

“You been climbing down our chimney every night and it ain’t Christmas.”

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Snapchat Founder Adds 6 L’s to Meek Mill’s Username as Joke

“The L is for Losses. At least that’s what my black friend told me.”

Said Snapchat founder about adding 6 L’s to the end of Meek Mill’s username on the social media app.

The founder of Snapchat thought it would be funny to add 6 L’s to the end of rapper Meek Mill’s username, because his recent slew of L’s taken within the rap industry.

“Plus i’m a big fan of The Game. He just makes me want to take be controversial, and take d**k pics.” – Snapchat Founder

Snapchat’s founder says he can’t wait until Meek calls them yelling, because he wants to know if he really talks that loud in person. “I want people to know thugs have feelings too.” Said Meek.

Husband Divorces Wife Because He was Tired of Paying for Her Weave

“It be cheaper to buy the whole damn horse and grow your own hair”

An Atlanta man filed for divorce from his wife of seven years, because he was tired of paying for her weave according to court documents.

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Teacher Fired for Calling Black Student “Floyd Mayweather”, Because He Can’t Read

“He can recite Fetty wap, but can’t put together 5 words to make a sentence”

Karin Salavez about one of her 5th grade students at a New Jersey school.

A New Jersey teacher was fired for calling a fifth grade student Floyd Mayweather, because he couldn’t read out loud in front of the class.

“Black parents need to put more emphasis on learning words than learning what new Jordans come out this weekend” – Karen

Karen was releaved without pay, but says she’s confident she’ll be alright, because Floyd can’t read and he’s worth half a billion.

New York Man Pushes Wife Out Speeding Car for Asking “Its Me or the Timbs?”

“B*tch you wasn’t with me in Footlocker paying for these Timbs”

A New York man was arrested for pushing his wife of 10 years out of a vehicle moving 50 mph after she told him it was her or the Timberlands.

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Wikipedia Updates Definition of “Hoe” with Picture of Amber Rose

“We tried to fit Kim in the pic with her, but all that ass made the page load slow.”

Wikipedia updated the definition of “Hoe” with a picture of Amber Rose after it was revealed she has dated every current and ex friend’s boyfriend.

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“The internet is moving toward more visual elements than text. Who represents the word “hoe” better than a picture of Amber Rose? The Ceo of Slut Walk.”

Amber Rose hasn’t commented on the honor, but we’re sure its a celebratory time for your hoeness, highness.

Midget Suing New York City Subway Says “Hand Rail Always Smells Like Sh*t”

“Just zero respect for my nasal cavities and height deficiency”

A 4’5″ man, John Tramos, says he’s tired of New York City Subway hand rails always smelling like shit and is suing the city after requesting they monitor how passengers hold the rail to see there has been no change.

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Taylor Swift Tweets “Kanye Gives Black People a Bad Name”

“#BlackLivesMatterExceptKanye”

Tweeted Taylor Swift to her 1 Billion followers on Twitter.

Taylor Swift tweeted that Kanye gives black people a bad name which 99.9% of black people would agree with. Ever since becoming a Kardashian Kanye has exuded another level of bitchassness not normally aligned with being a Hip Hop artist.

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“I would leak her s3xtape, but the whole world already seen it” – Taylor

Taylor Swift plans to do typical white people things like press charges for Kanye recording the conversation without her permission.

Father Tells Son He Wish He ‘Pulled Out’ After Son Reveals He’s Gay

“That premature ejaculation sperm ain’t bout shit.”

A Los Angeles preacher told his son that he wishes he pulled out of his mother/wife after the 17 year old revealed he was gay.
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“I wanted him to play pro ball. Not play with other men balls.”

Jim Crynberry says he still loves his son, and all honesty the reply was a knee jerk reaction to the situation. “Sort of like all the weenies he’ll be jerking as homosexual man. Just kidding son. Love you.”

Gang Members Raise $150,000 on GoFundMe to Buy Guns for Drive By Shooting

“We coulda just robbed some n***as, but we figured why not use this technology sh*t to our advantage.”

Said one member of Los Angeles blood gang.

A Los Angeles blood gang used GoFundMe to raise over $150,000 to buy guns and cars for their drive by shootings.
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“Buying cars, and then having to light that b*tch on fire after leaving the scene of a crime can get very expensive”

They say they plan to give atleast $20,000 of that money to the victims of their drive bys to atleast cover their funerals.