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Midget Suing New York City Subway Says “Hand Rail Always Smells Like Sh*t”

“Just zero respect for my nasal cavities and height deficiency”

A 4’5″ man, John Tramos, says he’s tired of New York City Subway hand rails always smelling like shit and is suing the city after requesting they monitor how passengers hold the rail to see there has been no change.

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Boy Slapped into Next Year by Mom Says 2017 Looks Much Better than 2016

“Bitches finally done with the dog ears and flower filters. Trump got shot and Chipotle stop charging extra for Guac.”

Said Jaquarius who was recently slapped into next year by his mother.

Jaquarius Johnson says that 2017 is looking much better than 2016, and doesn’t plan on coming back anytime soon.
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“I was against my mom slapping me at first, but I’ve really been enjoying the $1.25 I’m saving on Guacomole and not hearing Donald Trump say racist shit” – Jaquarius

Jaquarius says he was also able to get his license earlier since he was only 15 in 2016 and is now 16 which allowed him to get his drivers permit and license earlier.

Crip Gang Member Stabs Mcdonald’s Cook for Handing Him Red Fry Cup

“Nigga shoulda colored that shit”

Said Duane Rocks after being apprehended for stabbing a McDonald’s employee for handing him a red fry cup.

Duane stabbed a McDonald’s fry cook after he asked for a medium fry and fry cook, Luis Meguirgiio, proceeded to hand him a fry in the traditional red fry cups from McDonald’s.

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“Even stevie Wonder would look twice, before handing me a red cup” – Duane

Duane was charged with third degree murder and says even a color blind man would get it for handing him a red cup.

Preacher Arrested for Drowning His Sidechick During Baptizing Ceremony

“She was trying to f**k up a good thing. I was getting double the p***y for 32 years, then she decided to catch feelings”

A Florida preacher was arrested for attempting to drown his sidechick while baptizing her during a Sunday ceremony where bystanders realized things were going wrong after 5 minutes past, and the pastor hadn’t brought her up for air.

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Man Asks Judge to Drop Child Support Payment So He Can Buy Jordans

“I ain’t had a pair Jordans since Jeezy dropped Trap or Die. That’s 12 years ago your honor! Think about it.”

Said Rontez Jameson to a New York judge about getting his child support lowered to a reasonable amount.

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