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Mayor of Philadelphia Crowns Drake the King of Philly, Receives Key to City

Sure they would’ve chose Meek, but he can’t come out the house right now” – Drake

One and a half days after calling Meek Mill a “P*ssy” in his own city Drake received the keys to the city of Philadelphia for making the city an estimated $800,000 dollars in one day during his concert.
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“I’ve pretty much taken everything from Meek except Nicki. Coming soon.” – Drake

Drake says he will donate some of his proceeds to Philly so some of them dirty ass goons can get their beards cut.

Crip Member Shoots Baby Mother for Letting Son Take Picture with ‘Red’ Santa

“Santa been set tripping for a long time, but she wanna play dumb”

Said one Los Angeles Crip gang member arrested early Friday morning.

A Los Angeles Crip gang member was arrested early Friday morning after he shot his childs mother for letting their two year old son sit in the lap of what he called ‘the enemy’, a mall Santa Claus.

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MTV True Life: “I’m Addicted to Drinking Kool Aid from Used Tampons”

“Most guys hate when its that ‘time of the month’ for they girl, but I love it. Yum”

Said MTV true life John Stunce about his weird addiction.

John Stunce will be on MTV true life: I Drink Kool Aid from Used Tampons Christmas edition this weekend and experts are predicting it to be one of the grossest episodes ever.

“Let’s be honest red kool aids already the sh*t by itself. So the menstrual flow is just the icing on the cake.”

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Florida Man Died Trying to “Square Up” With Hurricane Says It Called Him P*ssy N*gga

“Ain’t nobody gon hoe me in my own city bruh”

Said Roger to the hurricane minutes before it killed him on impact according to friends listening from a cellphone safely hundreds of miles away.

A Florida man tried to “square up” with Hurricane Matthew because he says it allegedly called him a “p*ssy n*gga” to his face.
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“He had ‘hands’ no doubt. Roger use to rob n*ggas with guns without a gun. Just bare knuckle.” – Friend of Deceased

Friends say Roger Blinkly had a lot of ‘heart’, and wouldn’t let a man nor a hurricane getaway with those words without putting up a fight.

Charles Barkley Suggest Teaming Up with Isis to Fight White America

“Together we’d be the bomb.”

Said Charles Barkley during an interview on Huffington Post.

Charles Barkley thinks black folks should team up with Isis to fight racist white america.

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“Isis smart. Black folks can’t make bombs” – Charles

Charles says he’s tired of seeing his people killed even though he kills them a little every time he opens his mouth.

Man Kills Bestfriend for Referring Him to Barber that ‘Fucked Up’ his Hairline

“Nigga never played bout his hair” – Mama

Said Lakwon after being arrested for first degree murder for shooting his best friend DeMarcus.

Lakwon shot his bestfriend DeMarcus after he visited a new barber referred to by him, and received what he described as “the worse haircut of my life” stating that barber, Rodney Billins, pushed his hairline back an astounding 2 inches. “It was ridiculous” Said Lakwon.

Lakwon shot DeMarcus at point blank range later that night after a group of girls laughed at his haircut at a party, and DeMarcus joined in on the laughter, but not for long.

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“No way that was the barber Demarcus actually went to, because his line-ups be crispy.” – Lawkon

DeMarcus’s funeral will be held at the real barbershop he goes to, because that’s what he would’ve wanted according to his actual barber. Friends of LaKwon say his shit been fucked up.

Midget Suing New York City Subway Says “Hand Rail Always Smells Like Sh*t”

“Just zero respect for my nasal cavities and height deficiency”

A 4’5″ man, John Tramos, says he’s tired of New York City Subway hand rails always smelling like shit and is suing the city after requesting they monitor how passengers hold the rail to see there has been no change.

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New York Pastor Requires Members to Sacrifice Pair of Timberlands to Join Church

“This deadass the worse idea ever b.”

Said one New York man who wanted to attend church, but says he just copped his Timbs for $140 on clearance and wasn’t about to give them up. Not even for the Lord.

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Man Asks Judge to Drop Child Support Payment So He Can Buy Jordans

“I ain’t had a pair Jordans since Jeezy dropped Trap or Die. That’s 12 years ago your honor! Think about it.”

Said Rontez Jameson to a New York judge about getting his child support lowered to a reasonable amount.

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Worldstars Blue Power Ranger Beat to Death by Bloods Pranking in Wrong Hood

“I thought power rangers knew how to fight”

Said one innocent bystander that witnessed California bloods beat the power out of the blue power ranger.

Worldstars ‘Adventures of Blue Power Ranger’ who is played by an anonymous comedian was killed by California bloods for shooting a skit in the wrong hood while wearing blue.

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