Man Starts GoFundMe to Buy His Girlfriend Some “Edges” for Christmas

“I got tired of her looking like RoboCop with his helmet off”

Said one Florida gentlemen about his girlfriend.

A Florida man took his girlfriend lack of edges into his own hand and created a GoFundMe to pay for a surgery to get her permanent hair restoration for his Christmas.

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Girl Twerking in Library Ass Clapped So Loud, Arrested for Disturbing the Peace

“It sounded like 2 midgets high-fiving on the back of her ass. Set the fire alarm off and everything.”

Said one 16 year old boy who was studying for his permit exam.

A 23 year old Mystika Rolands was arrested for disturbing the peace in a library while shooting a video of her ass clapping very loudly.

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Obese Rapper 21 Sandwich Drops Record Dissing 21 Savage

“You food nigga. i eat you like food nigga. I eat you like 21 sandwiches, 21 sandwiches 21 sandwiches…2017 is mine if I don’t have a heart attack before the year out”

Which is the hook from 21 Sandwich hit single “21 Sandwich A N*gga”.

Up and coming parody rapper 21 sandwiches has dropped a diss record about 21 Savage threatening to eat the rapper, then throw him up, and eat him again. Nasty sh*t.

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Over 320 Deaths by Kangaroo Kick After Thousands Fight Kangaroos Hoping to Go Viral

“People think they got Floyd Mayweather hands and defense, but all these Kangaroo kick deaths determined that was a lie”

Over 320 deaths by Kangaroo kick since a video went viral of a man protecting his dog from a mean headlock from a Kangaroo.

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Man Lights Up Blunt in Courtroom After Judge Drops His Child Support

“So happy I can afford to not smoke Reggie. Loud pack here I come.”

Said Raphael Saggleton briefly before he was arrested for marijuana possession while attending court on a child support hearing.

Mr. Saggleton celebrated by putting one in the air after a rare win of a judge reducing his child support by half.

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Wikipedia Updates The Definition of Instagram Model to ‘Hoe’

“If she’s got booking info with no visible talent. There’s a good chance her throat, and body is for sale.”

Said one expert on social media behavior.

Wikipedia has updating the definition of ‘Instagram Model’ on there online dictionary destination to reflect the actual definition.

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Man Builds Time Machine So He Can Go Back to Kill Whoever Invented Child Support

“Maury about to be out of business n*gga”

Says Johnathan Munroe about raising $50,000 on GoFundME to build a time machine to go back in time and kill whoever invented child support.

Mr. Munroe says he only needs about $20,000 more to start ordering parts, and complete the time machine that he says will basically change baby father’s lives forever, because without meeting the mother of his 3 children he would’ve been “Bill Gates rich”.

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Black Burglars Spray Paint ‘N*ggers’ on Homes they Robbed to Throw Off Police

“We been looking for two white men for the last 6 months. Ain’t that a b*tch”

Said one Alabama police chief who says it took them over a year to find the two men behind a string of burglaries.

An Alabama police department has finally put a case to rest after arresting two men who were terrorizing Birmingham neighborhoods with what they thought was racism inspired robberies, but turned out to be two clever African American men.

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Father Tells Son He Wish He ‘Pulled Out’ After Son Reveals He’s Gay

“That premature ejaculation sperm ain’t bout shit.”

A Los Angeles preacher told his son that he wishes he pulled out of his mother/wife after the 17 year old revealed he was gay.

“I wanted him to play pro ball. Not play with other men balls.”

Jim Crynberry says he still loves his son, and all honesty the reply was a knee jerk reaction to the situation. “Sort of like all the weenies he’ll be jerking as homosexual man. Just kidding son. Love you.”

Crip Gang Member Drinks Red Kool Aid for First Time, Quits Gang

“I been missing out my whole life.”

One Los Angeles Crip Gang member called it quits after tasting red kool aid for the first time.

Carlos Black says he’s no longer apart of the Compton Crips after drinking Red koolaid for the first time on the low, and realizing all this gang sh*t is stupid, and he just wanted to drink more red kool aid.

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