Monica Lewinsky “I Wouldn’t Give Trump Head If His Name was Bill Clinton”

“If it wasn’t for that awful wig …I might let him put the tip in, but nah.”

Said Monica Lewinksy.

After being asked her thoughts on potential President Donald Trump, and if he was to win would she do him an oral favor in the White House the world famous thot responded “I wouldn’t give him head if his name was Bill Clinton”.

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Donald Trump Ask Mail Order Bride Company for Full Refund

“They said she’d be stupid. Not retarded.” – Trump

Trump has demanded that the Mail Order Bride company he ordered his wife Melania from for a full refund which equals to $150,000 which required her to marry him immediately and wash his wig twice a week.


“If she was Mexican I’d take her green card” – Trump

Trump has already begin the process of purchasing another bride, but will make sure the next one knows better than to get caught lying.

Trump Says America is Treating Clowns Like They’re Black People

“Everyone’s all. Shoot first. Ask questions last.”

With clown unemployment up 72% Donald felt the need to speak on the injustice going on in America with clowns. Donald says that America is treating clowns like black people not allowing them to fairly live life as clowns, and not be harassed just for the colorful color of their skin.

“Clowns, and I have two things in common. We stand out, and our hair comes off if you pull too hard.”

Many are saying Trump has stepped up for the clowns of America, because he’s recently become one.

Trump Releases Video of Michelle Giving Melania Permission to Use Speech

“I’m not saying this proves that MOST minorities are liars, but ….” – Trump

Trump released a video on his wife’s Snapchat of our first and only ever black first lady Michelle Obama giving his wife Melania permission to use parts of her speech and Trump even said that Michelle’s “black ass” inspired her.

“Kim K. taught me” – Trump


Trump taking a shot at Taylor Swift who also recently proven to be a “lying ass b*tch” after Kim Kardashian leaked a video of her giving boyfriend, Kanye permission to use lyrics in his song “Famous”.

Trump says he’s not going to sue the internet for slandering his wife’s name in hilarious memes and parody videos, but would like Michelle Obama to personally apologize on video while drinking kool-aid.

Obama Ready to Leave White House So He Can Get Back to Jordans & Newports

“Just ready to get this election year over so I can get back to being black.”

Said Barack Obama early this morning during a phone interview with Power 105 Breakfast Club.

President Barack Obama says he’s ready to get this election year over so that on January 20, 2017 he can leave and get back to what he loves. Being black.

“I got the same vices as every other black men. Jordans, Newports, and big booty women. I know yall see what Michelle got. That’s wifey.”

Obama says he’s had fun over the last 8 years, but if he never seen another White House in his life he’d die a happy man.