sports

72 Yr Old Man Offers D. Rose His Crutches While Boarding Plane to New York

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“I thought it’d be funny, but just like his knees. His sense of humor is weak” – 72 Yr Old Man

A 72 year old Bulls fan offered Derrick Rose his crutches while the NBA star was boarding a plane to New York as a joke, but the Bulls baller didn’t take the joke too well according to passengers.

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“You could tell he wanted to throw a fit, but in all honesty his knees were too weak to jump up and down like he wanted to” – Passenger

Derrick Rose end up promising the man tickets to his first game with the Knicks as an apology.

Man Shoots Up 4th of July Party Because Everyone Had on Same Outfit as Him

“My Footlocker connect assured me not one other n*gga in Chicago had this flag jersey”

Said Raymond about shooting up the party.

Raymond Sanchez shot up a Chicago 4th of July party, because upon his arrival he realized every black man in attendance had on the same outfit as him.

“How many air forces and camo shorts can one party have? Ain’t none of us gonna get any p*ssy” – Raymond

Raymond will be charged with pre meditated first degree murder, because police say it isn’t no way he didn’t know every n*gga was gonna wear that outfit. Because they do every year.

Mike Tyson Starts GoFundMe to Pay Bail After He Punches Trump in the Mouth

“He’s a f*cking racist and every racist is just one punch in the mouth away from loving black people. Help me do it.” – Tyson

Said Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson says he wants to punch Trump in the mouth just off the strength of him being a racist “motherf*cker” (Mike’s words) and he’s started a GoFundMe to help pay his bail afterwards.

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“I just wanna punch him right in his fucking white face and not go to jail” – Mike

Mike said he would’ve challenged Donald to a celebrity deathmatch, but honestly doesn’t want to see him die.

Nba Cancels 2016-2017 Season and Awards Title to Warriors in Advance

“Durant, Steph, and the other light skin guy that can shoot 3’s?!? Its just not fair to the other teams” – Commissioner

NBA commissioner decided to award the 2017 NBA title to the Golden State Warriors after Durant made the decision to join Steph for the 2016-2017 season.

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“I welcome the extra time off, because I’ve been wanting to focus on learning how to use a brush for the first time” – Durant

Steph plans to spend the extra time off reading bible versus and taste testing wife, Ayesha’s recipes.

Kyrie Says White Women on Boat Were Lifeguards “Safety First”

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“Black women can’t swim and don’t like to get their weave wet. Is the risk of drowning really worth my NBA career?” – Kyrie

Kyrie Irving cleared up all the confusion surrounding his “no black girls” yacht party that went viral over the weekend and let people know that many of the white girls on board were lifeguards.

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“White people can swim since birth. Just like n*ggas are born loving jordans. Its just in their DNA.” – Kyrie

Kyrie insist that he likes all types of v@gina and has no preference toward white or black women.

Knicks Take Out Multi-Million Dollar Insurance Policy on D. Rose Knees

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“Healthy or not. We got to secure our financial future with Derrick. We spent a lot of money bringing him here” Said New York Knicks owner.

New York Knicks took out a $5 million dollar medical insurance policy on Derrick Rose that insures them that if he’s ever unable to play they will be compensated.

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“I don’t take it personal and I know its just business, but atleast BELIEVING in a n*gga wouldn’t hurt much” – D. Rose

Derrick should be grateful that we took him out the hood of Chicago and living in the shadow of Michael Jordan.

D. Rose Files Anti-Bullying Lawsuit Against Bulls Ceo for Sharing Twitter Meme

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“First the trade. Now this. There’s only so much a n*gga can take” – Rose

Derrick Rose filed an anti bullying lawsuit against Chicago Bulls ceo for sharing a meme of the NBA star falling while boarding a plane to New York on Twitter.

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“I expect and understand this sh*t from n*ggas, but I just expect a level of professionalism when dealing with white folks.” – D. Rose

Derrick Rose says he wants a public apology and 24 hour security for him anytime he come back to Chicago to visit his family in the hood.

OKC Fan Takes a Shit on Kevin Durant’s Doorstep

“It was like baby sh*t. The green kind.” – Durant’s Maid

An angry OKC fan sh*t on the door step of Kevin Durant’s Oklahoma city mansion to show his appreciation for the super star leaving them.

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“He was a hero to me, but now the only memory of him is his nappy ass head” – Fan

The OKC fan has been identified on social media, but no arrest have yet been made. Maybe, because he’s white? Idk.

Warriors Throw in Wave Brush Kit to Sweeten Kevin Durant $54 Million Deal

“We like our future NBA champions to look presentable” – Warriors

Said Golden State Warriors head of marketing.

Golden State Warriors signed Kevin Durant to a two year $54 million dollar deal to join Steph in attaining their 2017 Nba championship title. To sweeten the deal team mates came together and purchased a wave brush and kit for superstar Durant.

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“We just thought it was the least we could do since we like to go out and club and shit when we not practicing” – Teammate

Kobe Now Smoking Weed To Deal with Being Around Wife and Kids 24/7

“Retired life is a motherf*cker.

Said Kobe about life while retired.

Kobe says he has taken up the pastime of smoking marijuana to deal with being around his wife and kids all the time as a retired NBA star.

“I never passed the ball, but I always pass the blunt”

Kobe says weed has made him more relaxed and think deeper on why he never liked to pass the ball.