sports

Lebron Announces He’s Shaving His Head Bald for 2016-2017 Season

“My hairline will retire before I do”

Said Lebron to his Instagram followers after revealing he’d be cutting his head bald.

Lebron announced that he would be cutting the 30% of hair he has left off and rock a baldy for the 2016-2017 NBA season leaving many fans in shock of why he hasn’t done it sooner.

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“About damn time” – Charles Barkley

Lebron’s donating all 72,000 headbands to Goodwill and will debut the new haircut at an upcoming cancer patient event where celebrities will donate their hair to kids going through treatment.

LeBron Signs with Chicago Bulls to be with D. Wade Says “I Missed My N*gga”

“I got Cleveland a title like I said I would. Now its time for me to be happy.”

Said an emotional Lebron James at a press conference early this morning.

Lebron signed to the Chicago Bulls so that he can be with his long lost friend Dwyane Wade again says they worked magic together on and off the court.

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“Nobody gets me like he does. Not even my wife Samantha. He helps me pick out my pregame headband many people don’t know that” – Lebron

Dwyane Wade says he’s happy to have his bald headed buddy back too and plans to bring Chicago championship Derrick Rose knees couldn’t.

Cop Makes Lebron Remove His Hat and Show Hairline to Prove His Identity

“Don’t feel comfortable taking your hat off? That’s exactly what a Lebron imposter would say!”

Said one Cleveland police officer according to Lebron during a routine traffic stop.

A Cleveland police officer didn’t believe he had pulled over Lebron James and wanted him to prove it by removing his hat, and showing him his hairline.

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Mike Tyson Starts GoFundMe to Pay Bail After He Punches Trump in the Mouth

“He’s a f*cking racist and every racist is just one punch in the mouth away from loving black people. Help me do it.” – Tyson

Said Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson says he wants to punch Trump in the mouth just off the strength of him being a racist “motherf*cker” (Mike’s words) and he’s started a GoFundMe to help pay his bail afterwards.

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“I just wanna punch him right in his fucking white face and not go to jail” – Mike

Mike said he would’ve challenged Donald to a celebrity deathmatch, but honestly doesn’t want to see him die.

Teammates Catch Odell Beckham Jr. Masturbating to Antonio Brown’s Twerk Video

“After seeing him beating his meat to a dude twerking were wondering if he’s really a ‘wide receiver’?!?” – Teammate

Said one Giants baller who wanted to remain anonymous.

New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. was caught masturbating in the locker room by his teammates before practice Thursday morning.

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“You could tell he was really into it, because he wasn’t even using lotion. Straight hand to meat action.” – Giants player

Teammates say they’re worried he’ll never catch a ball again the way he was jacking his weenie with good hand.

Man Accidentally Sets House on Fire Burning Kevin Durant Jersey

“I was just tryna look cool for Snapchat and ride for OKC” – Bryan

Said 24 year old Bryan after setting fire to his Kevin Durant Jersey.

Bryan set fire to his Kevin Durant’s jersey in his mother’s basement, but forgot to put the fire out before leaving to go upstairs for dinner. Once he returned the whole basement was in flames and they had to exit the house immediately.

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“My mama gon’ kill me” Said Bryant to Channel 2 news in Oklahoma about the mistake he made while showing love for Oklahoma City Thunder basketball team.

Bryan said his Mother will most likely kick him out the house now and he’ll have to go find a real job.

Kyrie Says White Women on Boat Were Lifeguards “Safety First”

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“Black women can’t swim and don’t like to get their weave wet. Is the risk of drowning really worth my NBA career?” – Kyrie

Kyrie Irving cleared up all the confusion surrounding his “no black girls” yacht party that went viral over the weekend and let people know that many of the white girls on board were lifeguards.

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“White people can swim since birth. Just like n*ggas are born loving jordans. Its just in their DNA.” – Kyrie

Kyrie insist that he likes all types of v@gina and has no preference toward white or black women.

Nba Cancels 2016-2017 Season and Awards Title to Warriors in Advance

“Durant, Steph, and the other light skin guy that can shoot 3’s?!? Its just not fair to the other teams” – Commissioner

NBA commissioner decided to award the 2017 NBA title to the Golden State Warriors after Durant made the decision to join Steph for the 2016-2017 season.

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“I welcome the extra time off, because I’ve been wanting to focus on learning how to use a brush for the first time” – Durant

Steph plans to spend the extra time off reading bible versus and taste testing wife, Ayesha’s recipes.

Floyd Got So Frustrated Reading a Big Worded Text from TI He Threw Phone in Trash

“This is an electronic message sent to inform you, Floyd Mayweather. That it has come to my immediate attention that you have disrespected me, and my marriage to the utmost degree, and I will handle you in the appropriate manner.

I’m popping off on sight, f**k n*gga.”

Friends are saying that boxer Floyd “I got all this money, but can’t read so how did I know to sign the right contract” Mayweather got so frustrated reading a big worded text from r
rapper T.I. about him dancing with his wife that he threw his whole phone in the trash.

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“TI could’ve simply told me he gonna pull up on me, but no. This n*gga had me asking my assistant to pull out a dictionary just to read a damn text message.”

T.I. said it was all part of his plan to throw the illiterate boxer off from what he really has planned. A celebrity spelling bee.

Iverson Considering Return to NBA & Even Willing to ‘Practice

“Me and practice didn’t get along in the past, but these new NBA deals got a n*gga feeling like practice ain’t so bad”

Said Iverson.

Allen Iverson is considering returning to the NBA after recently retiring his Jersey and has interest from a few teams.

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“We’d take Iverson and let him sit in whenever Derek’s injured. So he’d pretty much play the whole season.” – Bulls

Iverson is negotiating with teams with numbers in excess of anything $100K more than the amount of debt he is currently in.