sports

72 Yr Old Man Offers D. Rose His Crutches While Boarding Plane to New York

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“I thought it’d be funny, but just like his knees. His sense of humor is weak” – 72 Yr Old Man

A 72 year old Bulls fan offered Derrick Rose his crutches while the NBA star was boarding a plane to New York as a joke, but the Bulls baller didn’t take the joke too well according to passengers.

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“You could tell he wanted to throw a fit, but in all honesty his knees were too weak to jump up and down like he wanted to” – Passenger

Derrick Rose end up promising the man tickets to his first game with the Knicks as an apology.

Knicks Take Out Multi-Million Dollar Insurance Policy on D. Rose Knees

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“Healthy or not. We got to secure our financial future with Derrick. We spent a lot of money bringing him here” Said New York Knicks owner.

New York Knicks took out a $5 million dollar medical insurance policy on Derrick Rose that insures them that if he’s ever unable to play they will be compensated.

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“I don’t take it personal and I know its just business, but atleast BELIEVING in a n*gga wouldn’t hurt much” – D. Rose

Derrick should be grateful that we took him out the hood of Chicago and living in the shadow of Michael Jordan.

J.R. Smith: “$15 Million Barely Covers Monthly ‘Henny and B*tches’ Expenses”

“With the cost of henny rising and b*tches charging extra for giving head with no condom $15 million is the LEAST the Cavs can do”

J.R. Smith insist his $15 per million ask isn’t a big deal and it barely covers his Hennessy and b*tches expenses after tax.

“Yall got n*ggas coming off the bench getting paid more. Meaning they can have MORE b*tches and MORE henny than J.R. That ain’t happening”

– J.R. Smith

J.R. Smith says he wouldn’t be the man he is today if it wasn’t for henny and b*tches and doesn’t plan to stop supporting that habit anytime soon.

LeBron Signs with Chicago Bulls to be with D. Wade Says “I Missed My N*gga”

“I got Cleveland a title like I said I would. Now its time for me to be happy.”

Said an emotional Lebron James at a press conference early this morning.

Lebron signed to the Chicago Bulls so that he can be with his long lost friend Dwyane Wade again says they worked magic together on and off the court.

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“Nobody gets me like he does. Not even my wife Samantha. He helps me pick out my pregame headband many people don’t know that” – Lebron

Dwyane Wade says he’s happy to have his bald headed buddy back too and plans to bring Chicago championship Derrick Rose knees couldn’t.

Jon Jones Files a Restraining Order Against Cocaine

“Telling yall I’m not the one addicted. That white girl can’t get enough of me.”

Said Jon Jones coming out of New York City court house.

Jon Jones says he filed a restraining order against cocaine after testing positive for a banned substance for the 15th time.

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“After testing positive cocaine so many times. Its obvious someone has a problem ….and its cocaine” – Jon Jones

Jon Jones can be seen crying after testing positive and being removed from UFC 220, but all I can say is you wasn’t crying when you was snorting coke and smashing white b*tches.

Mike Tyson Starts GoFundMe to Pay Bail After He Punches Trump in the Mouth

“He’s a f*cking racist and every racist is just one punch in the mouth away from loving black people. Help me do it.” – Tyson

Said Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson says he wants to punch Trump in the mouth just off the strength of him being a racist “motherf*cker” (Mike’s words) and he’s started a GoFundMe to help pay his bail afterwards.

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“I just wanna punch him right in his fucking white face and not go to jail” – Mike

Mike said he would’ve challenged Donald to a celebrity deathmatch, but honestly doesn’t want to see him die.

Jordan: “Westbrook Can’t Keep Repping Jordan Brand Wearing All that ‘Gay Sh*t’ “

“That boy Caitlyn Jenner with the swag” – Jordan

Jordan said during a conference hearing for brand Jordan.

Michael Jordan says Russell Westbrook can no longer sponsoring Jordan Brand if he continues to wear feminine-gay sh*t.
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“Jordan brand is created for the finest athletes. Not for athletes who like to look at the finest athletes.” – Jordan

Jordan says he has a closet full of old manly clothes that Westbrook can borrow if he needs male style advice.

Teammates Catch Odell Beckham Jr. Masturbating to Antonio Brown’s Twerk Video

“After seeing him beating his meat to a dude twerking were wondering if he’s really a ‘wide receiver’?!?” – Teammate

Said one Giants baller who wanted to remain anonymous.

New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. was caught masturbating in the locker room by his teammates before practice Thursday morning.

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“You could tell he was really into it, because he wasn’t even using lotion. Straight hand to meat action.” – Giants player

Teammates say they’re worried he’ll never catch a ball again the way he was jacking his weenie with good hand.

Knicks Ban D. Rose from Having Sex, Afraid Knee Might Go Out Before Season Ends

“He can’t even hit a b*tch from the back without his knee aching” – Coach

The Knicks have protected their millino dollar investment name D. Rose by contractually banning the NBA player from having sex until the season is over. Derrick has been seen all over instagram with his new instagram model chick, and coaches have taken notice.
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“He’s got this new girlfriend that likes to f**k him like he’s 21 again. He’s 28, and his knees are 50.” – Coach

D. Rose has bought a strap on and a couple vibrators for his new chick for the times when he can’t get the job done.

Westbrook’s Mom Says Kevin Durant No Longer Welcome at their House

“No loyalty to my son or a hairbrush. Left my baby for some Warriors”

Said Mrs Westbrook about her son’s former teammate Kevin Durant.

Russell Westbrook’s mother says Kevin Durant is no longer welcome to their home after showing no loyalty toward her son by signing with the Golden State Warriors.

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“All that money and won’t comb his damn head. Hell wrong with him” – Mrs. Westbrook

Russell Westbrook says his mother’s words are exactly that “Her words”, but says he agrees Durant has too much money to be walking around with his hair not on fleek.