sports

LeBron Signs with Chicago Bulls to be with D. Wade Says “I Missed My N*gga”

“I got Cleveland a title like I said I would. Now its time for me to be happy.”

Said an emotional Lebron James at a press conference early this morning.

Lebron signed to the Chicago Bulls so that he can be with his long lost friend Dwyane Wade again says they worked magic together on and off the court.

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“Nobody gets me like he does. Not even my wife Samantha. He helps me pick out my pregame headband many people don’t know that” – Lebron

Dwyane Wade says he’s happy to have his bald headed buddy back too and plans to bring Chicago championship Derrick Rose knees couldn’t.

Jon Jones Files a Restraining Order Against Cocaine

“Telling yall I’m not the one addicted. That white girl can’t get enough of me.”

Said Jon Jones coming out of New York City court house.

Jon Jones says he filed a restraining order against cocaine after testing positive for a banned substance for the 15th time.

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“After testing positive cocaine so many times. Its obvious someone has a problem ….and its cocaine” – Jon Jones

Jon Jones can be seen crying after testing positive and being removed from UFC 220, but all I can say is you wasn’t crying when you was snorting coke and smashing white b*tches.

Kobe Now Smoking Weed To Deal with Being Around Wife and Kids 24/7

“Retired life is a motherf*cker.

Said Kobe about life while retired.

Kobe says he has taken up the pastime of smoking marijuana to deal with being around his wife and kids all the time as a retired NBA star.

“I never passed the ball, but I always pass the blunt”

Kobe says weed has made him more relaxed and think deeper on why he never liked to pass the ball.

Russell Wilson Sad to Report He Still Ain’t ‘Hit’ It

“I said ‘I do’ and she still said ‘I don’t’. I’m a die of blue balls.” – Russell

Russell Wilson sad to report he still hasn’t had sex with Ciara even after saying ‘I do’ over the weekend.

Russell Wilson was extremely disappointed to find out Ciara still hasn’t gave up the ‘Goodies’ even after putting a ring on it and officially marrying her over the weekend.

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“She won’t even let me put the tip in”

Russell said he will give Ciara three days to come to her senses, because all the masturbating is f*cking up his throwing hand.

Iverson Considering Return to NBA & Even Willing to ‘Practice

“Me and practice didn’t get along in the past, but these new NBA deals got a n*gga feeling like practice ain’t so bad”

Said Iverson.

Allen Iverson is considering returning to the NBA after recently retiring his Jersey and has interest from a few teams.

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“We’d take Iverson and let him sit in whenever Derek’s injured. So he’d pretty much play the whole season.” – Bulls

Iverson is negotiating with teams with numbers in excess of anything $100K more than the amount of debt he is currently in.

Warriors Throw in Wave Brush Kit to Sweeten Kevin Durant $54 Million Deal

“We like our future NBA champions to look presentable” – Warriors

Said Golden State Warriors head of marketing.

Golden State Warriors signed Kevin Durant to a two year $54 million dollar deal to join Steph in attaining their 2017 Nba championship title. To sweeten the deal team mates came together and purchased a wave brush and kit for superstar Durant.

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“We just thought it was the least we could do since we like to go out and club and shit when we not practicing” – Teammate

OKC Fan Takes a Shit on Kevin Durant’s Doorstep

“It was like baby sh*t. The green kind.” – Durant’s Maid

An angry OKC fan sh*t on the door step of Kevin Durant’s Oklahoma city mansion to show his appreciation for the super star leaving them.

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“He was a hero to me, but now the only memory of him is his nappy ass head” – Fan

The OKC fan has been identified on social media, but no arrest have yet been made. Maybe, because he’s white? Idk.

Nba Files for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy

“We’ve spent so much on the draft, trades and Lebron’s yearly supply of headbands we can’t afford to fund the 2016-2017 year”

The NBA filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy after they were informed they have exceeded the budget by more than $20 million before entering the 2016-2017 title year.

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“If Jordan can give us one day of the earnings he gets from his sneakers we can possibly get back on track. Ain’t no Michael Jordan without the NBA. Remember that.”

The Nba is going to push the start of the season up three months to possibly raise more with off season activities, and getting refunds on Lebron’s over 10,000 Nike branded headbands.

Kevin Durant Tweets “F**k Stephen A. Smith & His Uncle Tom Ass Opinions”

Kevin Durant had some choice words for Stephen A. Smith on his Twitter page this afternoon.

BREAKING: OKC Fan Takes a Shit on Kevin Durant’s Doorstep

The now Warriors baller tweeted “f*ck Stephen A. Smith and His Uncle Tom Ass Opinions” to his 14.3 million followers on Twitter.

Stephen A. Smith dropped a video on his Facebook page down talking the super star for choosing to jump on the Warriors bandwagon to assure himself a championship title.

Stephen A. Smith has yet to respond, but you can bet he has something witty to say hidden deep inside that forehead.

Man Accidentally Sets House on Fire Burning Kevin Durant Jersey

“I was just tryna look cool for Snapchat and ride for OKC” – Bryan

Said 24 year old Bryan after setting fire to his Kevin Durant Jersey.

Bryan set fire to his Kevin Durant’s jersey in his mother’s basement, but forgot to put the fire out before leaving to go upstairs for dinner. Once he returned the whole basement was in flames and they had to exit the house immediately.

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“My mama gon’ kill me” Said Bryant to Channel 2 news in Oklahoma about the mistake he made while showing love for Oklahoma City Thunder basketball team.

Bryan said his Mother will most likely kick him out the house now and he’ll have to go find a real job.