Man Shoots Up 4th of July Party Because Everyone Had on Same Outfit as Him

“My Footlocker connect assured me not one other n*gga in Chicago had this flag jersey”

Said Raymond about shooting up the party.

Raymond Sanchez shot up a Chicago 4th of July party, because upon his arrival he realized every black man in attendance had on the same outfit as him.

“How many air forces and camo shorts can one party have? Ain’t none of us gonna get any p*ssy” – Raymond

Raymond will be charged with pre meditated first degree murder, because police say it isn’t no way he didn’t know every n*gga was gonna wear that outfit. Because they do every year.

Mike Tyson Starts GoFundMe to Pay Bail After He Punches Trump in the Mouth

“He’s a f*cking racist and every racist is just one punch in the mouth away from loving black people. Help me do it.” – Tyson

Said Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson says he wants to punch Trump in the mouth just off the strength of him being a racist “motherf*cker” (Mike’s words) and he’s started a GoFundMe to help pay his bail afterwards.


“I just wanna punch him right in his fucking white face and not go to jail” – Mike

Mike said he would’ve challenged Donald to a celebrity deathmatch, but honestly doesn’t want to see him die.

Rapper Sues State Farm for Not Covering Damage After His Mixtape Causes Car Fire

“Knew I should’ve f*cked with them Geico n*ggas” – Austin

Said rapper after finding out his car would not be covered.

Atlanta rapper Cold Austin car caught fire after his mixtape caused it to catch fire and State Farm denied his insurance cover.


“How you gonna fault me for having fire bars?” – Cold Austin

State Farm says they chose not to cover him, because after listening to the mixtape in question they didn’t believe it was hot enough to cause the fire.

Iggy Azalea Reveals Pregnancy by D’Angelo Russell

“I felt like I owed him everything. Including my v@gina after telling me how Nick was dogging me behind my back. We’re gonna have a house full of baby snitches, LOL.” – Iggy

Said Iggy Azalea cheesing with baller and professional snitch D’Angelo Russell.

Iggy Azalea revealed that she’s pregnanty by basketball player D’Angelo Russell after he snitched on teammate Nick Young by recording him saying he slept with other women.


“The good thing about D’Angelo is that I never have to worry about him lying to me, because he would end up telling on himself” – Iggy Azalea

Iggy and D’Angelo plan on getting married along side four ninja turtles since he’s a rat.

Local Rapper Charged with Arson After His Mixtape Set House on Fire

“I knew he had bars, but a I didn’t know the n*gga was that hot” – Next Door Neighbor

Said the neighbor of local Atlanta rapper Dayshawn Williamson.

Rapper Yung Gully was charged with Arson after his new mixtape set the house on fire while he was performing for his family in the living room.

“Two minutes in and I guess our CD player just couldn’t handle his bars. It caught fire and we got the f**k outta there.” – Younger Sister

When asked how it felt to be a homeless rapper, because of his mixtape setting his home on fire Gully said “Its cool, because my mixtape hot”.

Man Sentenced to Death Ask to Eat B00ty for Last Meal

“This ain’t a Kevin Gates music video. He gonna eat Burger King and die happy like all the other killers.” – Prison Warden

Marcus Mirander, a man sentenced to death ask if he could partake in female b00ty as his last meal, but was denied after an intense debate over whether they’d allow it since the woman he requested was his wife.

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Rapist Lured White Women to Van with Free Starbucks Coffee Coupons

“It was like taking candy from a baby. A white baby.”

Said the rapist after being arrested.

Jonathan Cardigan, a serial rapist was arrested after over 10 rapes that he said was made easy by simply inviting women to his van by promising them free Starbucks coffee coupons.


“Them lattes with French vanilla like an aphrodisiac to white b*tches” – Rapist

Jonathan says if he does it all over again he would choose Nutella so he could use it as a lubricant too.

Future Storms Off Stage After Crowd Asks Him to Perform Panda

“N*gga made a career outta the voice my mama gave me. I ain’t performing sh*t.” – Future

Rapper Future stormed off a stage during a surprise New York show.

Future was rapping his set for a sold out crowd when the audience started to chant “perform Panda” a song by rapper Desiigner which sounds very similar to everything Future does with his music.


“I’d kill a Panda, before I’ll perform it”

Friends close to Future said he really didn’t need that stress, because he’s “this close” to overdosing on lean and calling it quits.

Man Asks Judge to Drop Child Support Payment So He Can Buy Jordans

“I ain’t had a pair Jordans since Jeezy dropped Trap or Die. That’s 12 years ago your honor! Think about it.”

Said Rontez Jameson to a New York judge about getting his child support lowered to a reasonable amount.

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Desiigner Had Nightmare that Rapper Future Never Existed

“I had no career and nobody’s rap career to copy. Worst dream ever” – Desiigner

Rapper Desiigner says he had a nightmare that rapper Future never existed and it was the worst thing ever. As he had no career and nobody to copy.


“I was right back at my mama’s house searching Youtube for people to mimic my rap career after”

Rapper Desiigner says he woke up in a cold sweat in his freebandz sweater and dread wig that he only wears when not around cameras.