Police Use Jordans $1 Million Donation to Buy, Bigger-Better Guns

“This one can hit a nigger from 50 feet away. Thanks MJ”

Said The Institute for Community-Police Relations who received $1 million from Michael Jordan.

Police say the $1 million dollar donation from Michael Jordan helped them buy bigger better guns to help police America.

“We want to sincerely thank Michael Jordan for his generous donation and help with policing black America”

Police force say they can’t wait to see a broken tail light so they can pull over some unsuspecting black man and try out their new toys.

Draymond Green Diagnosed with ‘Down Syndrome Face Ass’

“It definitely explains the obsession with kicking people in the nuts”

Said the doctor who diagnosed the NBA star.

Draymond Green was diagnosed with Down Syndrome Face Ass after a doctor who’s a fan seen random pictures of the basketball player online and called him in for a consultation.

“The hanging lip. The droopy eyes. The randomly kicking people in the nuts. Definitely down syndrome face ass”

Draymond Green hasn’t responded to the diagnosis, but he’s most likely somewhere kicking an undeserving man in the balls.

Verizon Ceo Calls ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ Guy a Fuck N*gga for Switching to Sprint

“No loyalty having fuck nigga. I hope his signal drops during an important phone call.”

Said Verizon’s current CEO about ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ guy leaving them for Sprint.

Verison’s CEO called the ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ guy that once sponsored their company a fuck nigga for leaving them to sign on with Sprint.
download _OP_1_CP__1465216343244_2768456_ver1.0

“Its like when Beyonce left Destiny’s Child. Except for the fact that were white people with options. What about Kelly and the other one nobody knows? What will they do next?”

Verizon’s CEO says he doesn’t regret his words and the only way this can be resolved is if he shoots him the fair one.

Trump Says Pokemon Go Should Help You Find Illegal Immigrants

“Gotta catchem all” – Trump

Said Trump about all the illegal immigrants coming into the U.S.

Trump says Pokemon Go should tweak the app to help you find illegal immigrants living within the United States.
melilla-fence

“With the help of the American people and the app we could definitely catch them all” – Trump

Trump says he’ll personally invest $1 million into the app if Nintendo helps him develop it for his followers.

Grandmother Murders Grandkids for Letting All the Air Out the House

“I told them to stop running in and out the damn house. Too hot for that sh*t”

A Texas Grandmother is charged with murder after she shot and killed three of her four Grandkids for “letting all the air out the damn house” according to her one surviving Granddaughter.

gun-review-ruger-sp101-carol

“We was just going in and out the house to get water and on the third time in she let off 7 shots killing my siblings”

Girtrue Sanford has been charged with first degree murder and will most likely die within the 4th year of her sentence, because she’s already Morgan Freeman old.

Man Finds Fetty Wap’s Missing Eye Playing Pokemon Go

“This nigga eye rarer than any Pokemon”

Said Jeffrey Hemps an avid Pokemon Go player.

A New Jersey man says he found Fetty Wap’s eye while searching for a very rare Pokemon over the weekend.

wpid-FettyWap-Smile

“I’m just hoping the nigga throw me some of that Trap Queen money or I’ll be forced to flip this bitch on eBay.” – Jeffrey

Jeffrey says he’s not trying to break Fetty’s pockets, but if he doesn’t pay up he’ll die with one eye.

Curry 2 Lows Now Most Worn Sneaker at Trump Rally’s

“I told you my followers love the blacks or else they wouldn’t support such a magnificent sneaker” – Trump

Donald Trump says that Stephen Curry’s new sneaker is the most worn shoe at all of his Rally’s which are mostly attended by white males between the ages of 40 – 65 which also happens to be the most racist age of Caucasian in America.

2016%2F06%2F10%2F35%2Fstephcurry.f080d

“I leave my job as a middle school P.E. teacher and head straight to the Trump rally’s. They’re so comfortable.”

Trump says he’s reached out to Stephen for an endorsement deal but the Warriors star hasn’t returned any of his calls.

Curry 2 Lows Now Most Worn Shoe by Old-White Trump Supporters

Young Thug Autographs Fans Penis

“I’m never washing this thing again” – Fan

Young Thug signed his name on a fans penis during a meet and greet after a Los Angeles concert Sunday night.

Screen-Shot-2016-01-04-at-9.56.48-AM-1167x461

“He took his time and even licked the tip of the pen when the ink wouldn’t show on my cock.”

Young Thug says he’s willing to do whatever it takes to please his fans, because they provide him with the gay rapper lifestyle he’s dreamed of since a little boy.

Michael Jordan Says He’s Tired of Police Killing All His Customers

“Due to police brutality black people are dropping like my jump shot in the 4th quarter”

Said Michael Jordan in a passionate article he wrote on the current state of police on anybody resembling a black person crime.

54c94e24fac0713f47131efa9dc4d21d_crop_north

“White people ain’t spending two hunnid on no shoes” – Michael Jordan

Michael says if he creates a special police edition Jordan sneaker will they at least hold off until he reaches billionaire status.

“If they keep this up I’ll only be worth half a billion by next year”

Lebron Announces He’s Shaving His Head Bald for 2016-2017 Season

“My hairline will retire before I do”

Said Lebron to his Instagram followers after revealing he’d be cutting his head bald.

Lebron announced that he would be cutting the 30% of hair he has left off and rock a baldy for the 2016-2017 NBA season leaving many fans in shock of why he hasn’t done it sooner.

62

“About damn time” – Charles Barkley

Lebron’s donating all 72,000 headbands to Goodwill and will debut the new haircut at an upcoming cancer patient event where celebrities will donate their hair to kids going through treatment.