Cam Newton Breaks Ankle on Hoverboard Scooter – Out for Season

“I leaned forward when I should’ve leaned back like Fat Joe. Next thing you know they picking up the most physically fit quarter back from the pavement” Said Cam Newton from his hospital bed early this morning.

A trend turned to tragedy when Panther’s Quarter back Cam Newton crashed his scooter into a sidewalk on his way to Chipotle for a double steak burrito bowl with hot sauce on the side not directly on it.

“I personally blame Chipotle for making their food so dang good or could just be a professional NFL player shouldn’t be riding a scooter during the season. Oops” – Cam Newton


Cam he’s not as disappointed by his actions on the scooter as he is by his actions on the NFL field thus far.

Serena Declines Drake Marriage Proposal in Front of China Open Audience

“Dude chill, we been dating a cool month” Said Serena to Drake in front of the China Open audience.

Rapper Drizzy Drake proposed to tennis super star Serena Williams following her China Open performance. Moments later she announced she would be leaving the tournament to tend to some unwanted facial hair.

“Drake is cool to hang with, but I could never marry him! Too feminine. His period last longer than mine. Just listen to his albums.” – Serena


Serena said Drake needs to grow a pair and stop crying or be born with a pair like she was 34 years ago.

Future Files Full Custody After Baby Calls Russell Wilson ‘Daddy’

“I may do a ridiculous amount of drugs, but can’t nobody tell me I’m wrong for wanting my son to call me daddy and not Ciara’s friend?!?” Said Future on an interview on The Breakfast club this morning.

Future revealed that he filed for full custody of his son Future after finding out that his son’s first words were Daddy while speaking to NFL star Russell Wilson.

“Ciara ain’t had a hit since ‘Goodies’ so she ain’t even gotta act like she got money to hire a lawyer and fight it. Look me in my dirty sprite sipping eyes Cici! That’s my son now.” Future


Future said he plans to do a couple mo’ pints of Dirty Sprite just to take the edge off the edge he took off with the molly and percocet he pop just minutes before making this life changing decision.