Young Thug Autographs Fans Penis

“I’m never washing this thing again” – Fan

Young Thug signed his name on a fans penis during a meet and greet after a Los Angeles concert Sunday night.

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“He took his time and even licked the tip of the pen when the ink wouldn’t show on my cock.”

Young Thug says he’s willing to do whatever it takes to please his fans, because they provide him with the gay rapper lifestyle he’s dreamed of since a little boy.

Michael Jordan Says He’s Tired of Police Killing All His Customers

“Due to police brutality black people are dropping like my jump shot in the 4th quarter”

Said Michael Jordan in a passionate article he wrote on the current state of police on anybody resembling a black person crime.

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“White people ain’t spending two hunnid on no shoes” – Michael Jordan

Michael says if he creates a special police edition Jordan sneaker will they at least hold off until he reaches billionaire status.

“If they keep this up I’ll only be worth half a billion by next year”

Lebron Announces He’s Shaving His Head Bald for 2016-2017 Season

“My hairline will retire before I do”

Said Lebron to his Instagram followers after revealing he’d be cutting his head bald.

Lebron announced that he would be cutting the 30% of hair he has left off and rock a baldy for the 2016-2017 NBA season leaving many fans in shock of why he hasn’t done it sooner.

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“About damn time” – Charles Barkley

Lebron’s donating all 72,000 headbands to Goodwill and will debut the new haircut at an upcoming cancer patient event where celebrities will donate their hair to kids going through treatment.

Waka Flocka Wife Tammy Set His Dreads On Fire While He was Sleep

“I burnt one dread for every b*tch he cheated with”

Said scorned wife of rapper Waka Flocka as she revealed to her Instagram followers what she’d done.

Tammy Rivera set ex husband to be rapper Waka Flocka’s dreads on fire while he was asleep in his Atlanta mansion.

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“Its just only so much a b*tch can take. It was either that or sucking his best friend’s d*ck. So he got off easy”

Waka Flocka is currently trying to find an Atlanta hair dresser to reattach his dreads without him looking like Fetty Wap with them fake ass voodoo dreads.

Shaq Tweets a Throwback Thursday Picture of Kobe’s Rape Case

“#NbaHistory. #NeverForget.” – Shaq

Tweeted Shaq to his millions of followers with the picture of Kobe Bryant featured on the front of Sports Illustrated after being accused of rape.

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Retired NBA baller Shaquille O’Neal tweeted a picture of Kobe’s rape assault case for Throwback Thursday on Twitter just for shits and giggles.

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“Kobe can’t pass a ball or a condom to himself” – Shaq

Shaq says he meant no harm and has always joked with Kobe about the incident, because he’s 7’1″ and there’s really not much Kobe could do about it.

Trump Calls a Black Woman with Short Hair “Little Bill” at Campaign Rally

“Not my fault they all look alike” – Trump

Trump called a #BlackLivesMatter female protester with short hair little bill after she asked him to clarify some of his earlier statements during a campaign rally.

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“I’m just saying men are generally bald. Not women. So grow some hair or buy an amazing hairpiece like me” – Trump

Trump apologized to the woman and also offered a coupon for some fried chicken from KFC. Hot sauce sold separately.

Students Buy Kevin Durant a Hair Brush During High School Visit

“What do you buy a millionaire that has everything except for good hair? A brush!” – Student

Students of a Oklahoma high school that Kevin Durant frequents bought him a hair brush as a token of appreciation for the NBA superstar taking time out of his busy day to spend time with them.

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“He’s done so much for us the least we could do is help him look more presentable”

Kevin says he doesn’t plan on coming back to the school, because he was bullied as a kid for his long arms and nappy hair.

Michelle Obama Drops Melania Trump Diss Track

“Turn my headphones up” – Michelle

Said our first lady Michelle Obama in her new diss track against Melania Trump “Michelle Hell” which she dropped on Apple Music early this morning and has already gone quadruple platinum with over 5 million downloads and counting.

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“Barack got a few bars on that joint, but he the President of the United States so he didn’t want to give the public too much” – Michelle

Michelle Obama is thinking about starting up her own record label for troubled youth once her and Obama vacate the white house.

Kevin Gates Snapchats Himself Getting #BootyLivesMatter Tattooed on Face

“All this police brutality is a result of people needing more booty in they life”

Said rapper Kevin Gates.

Rapper Kevin Gates got the phrase #BootyLivesMatter tattooed across his stomach while letting Snapchat fans know that all this police brutality is just a result of everybody needing more b00ty in their life.

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“When i’m ready to shoot a nigga nothing cheers me up like a nice round booty” – Kevin Gates

Kevin Gates says his tattoo is just an oath to how much booty matters to this society and his number one pick for breakfast the most important meal of the day.

Kyrie Irving Taking Year Off to Help Relaunch And1 Basketball

“I did what paid the bills. Now its time to do what makes me happy”

Cleveland Cavalier’s guard Kyrie Irving revealed that he will be taking the 2016-2017 year off to help relaunch once prominent And1 Basketball tour company.

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“Crossing n*ggas up is one of my favorite pasttimes”

Kyrie tells his fans not to worry he will be back in the NBA faster than you can say “Lebron ain’t got no hairline”.