Sanaa Lathan Kidnapped by Pedophile Mistaken Her for 13 Yr Old Boy

“A baby and having cancer is the only times a woman should be bald” Said a police officer first on the scene.

Love & Basketball Star Sanaa Lathan was kidnapped by a pedophile after he mistaken her for a 13 year old boy.

“She knew shaving her head would be controversial, but never thought she’d get kidnapped by a boy loving pedophile”

Sanaa Lathan was last seen picking out dad hats to cover her bald ass head before the kidnapping.

Man Robs Michael Jordan for “Gamma” 11’s During In-Store Appearance…

CHICAGO — “Sign or die, n*gga” was all he said according to an employee that witnessed a man force Michael Jordan to take off his personal pair of “Gamma” 11′s and sign his autograph.

Nba legend Michael Jordan was robbed at gunpoint during an in-store sneaker signing for the Gamma 11′s released earlier today at a Chicago sneaker boutique.

“He asked what size I wear and then said come up off them, bruh” Said a visibly angry Michael Jordan during the police report who also noted “ this little n*gga called me bruh.

Like we was family or something, but I ain’t never met that n*gga”.

According to local police the description of the robber fit many of Chicago’s youth; African American, about 5’6 with dreadlocks to which Jordan agreed while also stating

“Hell it could of been Chief Keef for all I know, but luckily for Chicago he already in jail.”

Miley Cyrus Announces Pregnancy by Rapper Juicy J on Stage at BET Hip Hop Awards

ATLANTA — “I a##ure you she’s been doing a lot more than twerking” said Juicy J before Miley Cyrus blurted out that her and the “Bandz a Make Her Dance” rapper were expecting.

This weekend BET held their annual Hip Hop Awards in Atlanta, Ga where the likes of Kendrick Lamar, Ti and Drake were to appear, but the talk of the show was stolen by Miley and the response from her Father who she brought as a guest.

“She really broke my achy breaky heart” said Billy Ray Cyrus at first jokingly about the hit song he’s known for but then going on to say they’re are three things he thought would never be a part of his life; rap music, twerking and a black baby.

The crowd at first taking her announcement as a joke cried with laughter but after Miley screaming

“No, I’m really pregnant” she was met by a round of applause from the packed crowd.

Houston Man Died Trying to ‘Square Up’ With Hurricane Says It Called Him P*ssy N*gga

“Ain’t nobody gon hoe me in my own city bruh”

Said Roger to the hurricane minutes before it killed him on impact according to friends listening from a cellphone safely hundreds of miles away.

A Houston man tried to “square up” with Hurricane Matthew because he says it allegedly called him a “p*ssy n*gga” to his face.

“He had ‘hands’ no doubt. Roger use to rob n*ggas with guns without a gun. Just bare knuckle.” – Friend of Deceased

Friends say Roger Blinkly had a lot of ‘heart’, and wouldn’t let a man nor a hurricane getaway with those words without putting up a fight.

Man Prays His Baby Mama Died in Houston Flood So He Doesn’t Have to Pay Child Support

“We haven’t heard from her since Monday so I’m praying things go in my favor. God works in mysterious ways, lol.” Said Andrew Warthbrook of Houston Texas.

Andrew says he made it out of Houston safely and hopes everyone else does too except his baby mother.

“My child support so high if I get a job I’m working for free.”