Man Builds Time Machine So He Can Go Back to Kill Whoever Invented Child Support

“Maury about to be out of business n*gga”

Says Johnathan Munroe about raising $50,000 on GoFundME to build a time machine to go back in time and kill whoever invented child support.

Mr. Munroe says he only needs about $20,000 more to start ordering parts, and complete the time machine that he says will basically change baby father’s lives forever, because without meeting the mother of his 3 children he would’ve been “Bill Gates rich”.

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Over 200 Doctors Now Prescribing J. Cole’s New Album to Treat Insomnia

“Listening to it is like swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills without that nasty side effect called death.”

Said one North Carolina doctor who says he’s been letting his insomnia patients listen to the rappers Album.

Bryan Brenksy M.D. says he’s prescribed J. Cole’s album ‘4 Your Eyez Only’ to numerous patients who have experienced sleeplessness,and they have been instantly cured.

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Kanye Spazzes on White Fan for Asking “Ain’t You that N*gga from Blade?!?”

“Get it right! I’m Kanye West. Music God, and black leader.”

Said Kanye to a fan while visiting New York.

Kanye who dyed his hair blonde after leaving a mental facility earlier last week got into a brief altercation with a fan who asked the rapper “Ain’t you that n*gga from Blade” who was actually played by Wesley “What’s taxes?” Snipes.

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Trump Tweets “Kanye Called Me His N-Word. Told You The Blacks Love Me.”

“Told me I’m Blacker than Obama. Whatever that means”

Said one security guard present during the meet up with President Trump, and Kanye West.

Trump recalls his meeting with rapper Kanye West, and says the rapper referred to him as “my n*gga” which is a term of endearment in the African American community.

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Mike Jones Sentenced to 4 Months Jail for Never Paying $200K Cell Phone Bill

“281-330- Don’t call that number no’ mo”

Said Mike Jones jokingly when revealing he reached a settlement with cell phone provider Sprint.

Mike Jones will serve four months in jail plus pay a $5,000 fine for defaulting on an agreement made with Sprint over 10 years ago.

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Rick Ross Banned from His Own Wingstop for Eating Too Much Free Chicken

“Nigga be eating a 60pc. We don’t even have a 60pc.”

Say’s a store manager who’s seen the rapper come through and order 10 dozen wings on the house.

Rick Ross has been banned fro several of his South Florida wingstop locations after franchise owner says the rapper eats too much free chicken wings which has put a dent in the company’s profits.

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Stripper Dies at Mayweather Mansion After Drowning in Singles

“Thats like a lifeguard drowning in water. She was bad at her job.”

Said one of Mayweather’s security guards.

911 was called to Mayweather’s Las Vegas mansion after a dancer stop breathing after a flurry of ones covered her, and was found unconscious at the end of the night.

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Black Burglars Spray Paint ‘N*ggers’ on Homes they Robbed to Throw Off Police

“We been looking for two white men for the last 6 months. Ain’t that a b*tch”

Said one Alabama police chief who says it took them over a year to find the two men behind a string of burglaries.

An Alabama police department has finally put a case to rest after arresting two men who were terrorizing Birmingham neighborhoods with what they thought was racism inspired robberies, but turned out to be two clever African American men.

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Nicki Minaj Hospitalized After Her Buttshots Reach Freezing Temperatures

“R.I.P. to dat ass”

Said one Twitter user after hearing the news.

Nicki Minaj was hospitalized last night after her implants reached freezing temperatures in New York as it got low as 15 degrees in the city. Her boyfriend, and personal punching bag Meek Mill rushed her to the hospital after she was unable to get up from the toilet, because her silicone was froze.

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Father Tells Son He Wish He ‘Pulled Out’ After Son Reveals He’s Gay

“That premature ejaculation sperm ain’t bout shit.”

A Los Angeles preacher told his son that he wishes he pulled out of his mother/wife after the 17 year old revealed he was gay.

“I wanted him to play pro ball. Not play with other men balls.”

Jim Crynberry says he still loves his son, and all honesty the reply was a knee jerk reaction to the situation. “Sort of like all the weenies he’ll be jerking as homosexual man. Just kidding son. Love you.”